21 Questions to Ask in the First Rishta Meeting
The first meeting usually runs on tea and small talk, and both families go home knowing very little. These are the questions that actually move things forward.
The short answer
The most useful first-meeting questions cover four areas: living arrangements after marriage, the working expectations for both partners, finances and responsibilities, and each family's non-negotiables. Asking these directly at the first meeting saves months and prevents the far more painful conversations later.
The first meeting between two families is usually polite, warm and almost entirely uninformative. Tea is served, the weather is discussed, someone mentions a common relative, and both sides go home having learned nothing that would help them decide.
That is not anyone's fault — it feels rude to interrogate people you have just met. But a small number of direct questions, asked warmly, save everyone months. Here is what I suggest families ask.
About the person
- What does a normal working week look like for you?
- Where do you see yourself living in five years — here, or outside Himachal?
- What do you do on a free Sunday?
- How would the people closest to you describe your temperament?
- Is there anything you would want your partner to know about you early rather than late?
About work and money
- What is the current job, and is it stable or likely to change?
- Is there a posting or transfer expected in the next few years?
- Would you expect your wife or husband to continue working after marriage?
- Are there existing loans, or financial responsibilities towards parents or siblings?
- Who manages money in your household at present?
About the family and living arrangements
- Will the couple live with parents, separately, or somewhere else entirely?
- How many members are in the household, and who lives where at present?
- Are there elderly relatives whose care will be a shared responsibility?
- How are decisions usually made in your family — jointly, or by one person?
- What are the family's expectations around festivals, visits and time with in-laws?
About expectations
- What is the one thing your family would find hardest to compromise on?
- What timeline are you thinking of for the engagement and the wedding?
- How do you feel about kundali matching — is it decisive for you, or one input among several?
- Are there dietary, religious or ritual practices the household follows strictly?
- Would the couple be able to speak to each other directly before a decision is made?
- Is there anything you would like to ask us that we have not covered?
What to notice, not ask
- Who answers. If the candidate never speaks for themselves in the first meeting, that is information.
- How disagreement is handled. Families disagree in front of guests all the time. Watch how it is handled rather than whether it happens.
- Consistency. Does what you are told match what you already know from the matchmaker and from local contacts?
- Warmth towards their own. How the family speaks about its own daughters-in-law tells you how yours will be spoken about.
How to keep it from feeling like an interrogation
- Spread the questions across the conversation instead of running through a list.
- Answer the same question about your own family before asking it of theirs.
- Let the two young people have fifteen minutes to talk without an audience.
- Keep the first meeting short. Ninety minutes is plenty; anything longer becomes performance.
When Sharma Ji arranges an introduction, much of this groundwork is already done — the background is verified and the basic expectations are matched before the two families ever sit down. That is the point of doing it personally. See how the process works, or read how to verify a rishta before saying yes.