How to Verify a Rishta Before Saying Yes
Almost every regret I hear from families traces back to something that could have been checked in an afternoon. Here is the checklist.
The short answer
Before finalising a rishta, verify four things independently: the person's identity and marital status, the claimed job and income, the family's standing through local contacts, and any property or financial claims. Ask for documents politely, cross-check with people who are not connected to the proposal, and slow down if anyone pressures you to decide quickly.
Verification is not distrust. It is ordinary diligence, and every family that has been through a difficult experience says the same thing afterwards: the signs were there, and nobody wanted to be the one to check.
1. Verify the person
- Ask to see a government photo ID — Aadhaar, passport or driving licence — and check that the name and age match what you have been told.
- Confirm marital status directly. If there has been a previous marriage, ask for the decree or the relevant document. A family with nothing to hide will not be offended.
- Check the birth details you were given against the ID, especially if a kundali has been matched on them.
- Look at how long the person has been at the current address.
2. Verify the work
- Ask for the employer's name and the office location, not just the designation.
- For a government job, the department, posting and joining year are easy to state and easy to check.
- For a private job, an appointment letter, a recent salary slip or an official email address are all reasonable to ask for at the serious stage.
- For a business, ask what it actually does, since when, and where it operates from.
- Be careful with vague answers like 'business hai' or 'abroad mein settled hai' with no detail attached.
3. Verify the family
This is where local knowledge beats every document, and where a matchmaker who lives in the same valley is genuinely useful.
- Speak to two people from their town who are not connected to the proposal.
- Ask the local pandit, the shopkeeper, or a neighbour — in small towns, reputation is public knowledge.
- Check whether the family is actually known where they claim to be from.
- Ask about the household's standing on straightforward things: how they treat people, how disputes are settled, whether there is a history of broken engagements.
4. Verify property and financial claims
- If land or a house is mentioned, ask where it is and in whose name it stands.
- Revenue records in Himachal are largely accessible — a visit to the patwari or the online land record portal settles most questions.
- Be cautious if property is described in impressive but unverifiable terms.
- Never transfer money to anyone at any stage of a matrimonial process, for any reason.
| Signal | Why it matters |
|---|---|
| Pressure to decide quickly | Genuine families are patient. Urgency is the most common tool used to prevent checking. |
| Reluctance to share basic documents | ID and job proof are normal asks at the serious stage. Refusal is information. |
| The family cannot be located locally | Everyone is known somewhere. A family nobody can place is worth a second look. |
| Any request for money | No legitimate matchmaking process requires you to pay the other family or an intermediary claiming to represent them. |
| Inconsistent story across meetings | Details that shift between the first and second conversation rarely settle down later. |
| Refusal to let the couple speak directly | Reasonable in a first meeting. Unreasonable once things are serious. |
Where a local matchmaker helps
Most of the checks above are exactly what a matchmaker who lives in the region does before a proposal ever reaches you. At Sharma Rishte the family background is checked through local contacts, temples and neighbours first — which is a large part of what you are actually paying for when you register.
Read next: 21 questions to ask in the first rishta meeting.